Sparing the rod

In the wake of the allegations that a star NFL running back abused his 4-year-old son by hitting him with a switch, the debate about spanking and other forms of corporal punishment has reignited. It’s not much of a debate. It’s really just a cacophony of “experts” condemning the act. There are a few dissenting voices who find fault with this particular high-profile event, but still hold the opinion that there are certain situations in which spanking may be an acceptable option. My mother taught me to never say never. But, the occasions in which an open-handed spank on a well-padded bottom are so rare that for all practical purposes, striking a child should not appear on any list of discipline strategies.

However, I’m not sure that spanking should automatically be equated with child abuse. It is seldom effective and should raise a red flag that we are dealing with a parent who needs help in managing his or her child’s behavior, but it’s generally not abuse.

In this recent case, the father has talked about the long lineage of corporal punishment that runs through his family. However, I think that most parents in this country instinctively know that hitting their child is not the best option. They may have learned from experience that it is ineffective and has a very narrow safety margin. But, parents aren’t sure what they should have done.

They may have read magazine articles or heard talking heads on television encouraging parents to engage their misbehaving children in a dialogue to explore their motives. Or, how to condemn the misdeeds without damaging the child’s self-image. To many parents, this kind of advice fells like just so much talk. They have already discovered that one can’t have a meaningful discussion with a child in the throes of a tantrum.

In many cases, the failure of words alone is the natural result of an uncountable number of threats that have never been followed by a consistent consequence. It’s not surprising that parents often fail to follow up on their threats because they lack even the smallest arsenal of safe and effective consequences. They know that corporal punishment is wrong. But, does that mean that discipline must be completely hands off? Is any physical restraint such as a bear hug of a toddler or preschooler in the throes of a tantrum so close to spanking that it could be interpreted as child abuse? Unfortunately, I suspect that there are a few child behavior experts who might say that it is.

What about putting a child in his room for time-out? If he won’t go willingly and has to be carried, is that corporal punishment? If he won’t stay in his room for even 30 seconds unless the door is held shut or latched, is that same as a penal institution’s use of solitary confinement? Although they have a physical component, these restrictions – if done sensibly – are far safer and more effective than hitting a child.

Of course, prevention should be the keystone of any behavior-management strategy. Does the parent understand the spectrum of age-appropriate behavior for his child? Does he accept that his child’s temperament may force him to modify his expectations? Have family dynamics and schedules created situations in which the child feels underappreciated? Is the parent himself in good physical and mental health?

As pediatricians, we must make it clear that we are prepared to help parents to deal with the challenges inherent in setting limits for their children and assist them in creating a strategies of safe consequences to assure that these limits are effective.

Dr. Wilkoff practiced primary care pediatrics in Brunswick, Maine, for nearly 40 years. He has authored several books on behavioral pediatrics, including “How to Say No to Your Toddler.” E-mail him at [email protected].

In the wake of the allegations that a star NFL running back abused his 4-year-old son by hitting him with a switch, the debate about spanking and other forms of corporal punishment has reignited. It’s not much of a debate. It’s really just a cacophony of “experts” condemning the act. There are a few dissenting voices who find fault with this particular high-profile event, but still hold the opinion that there are certain situations in which spanking may be an acceptable option. My mother taught me to never say never. But, the occasions in which an open-handed spank on a well-padded bottom are so rare that for all practical purposes, striking a child should not appear on any list of discipline strategies.

However, I’m not sure that spanking should automatically be equated with child abuse. It is seldom effective and should raise a red flag that we are dealing with a parent who needs help in managing his or her child’s behavior, but it’s generally not abuse.

In this recent case, the father has talked about the long lineage of corporal punishment that runs through his family. However, I think that most parents in this country instinctively know that hitting their child is not the best option. They may have learned from experience that it is ineffective and has a very narrow safety margin. But, parents aren’t sure what they should have done.

They may have read magazine articles or heard talking heads on television encouraging parents to engage their misbehaving children in a dialogue to explore their motives. Or, how to condemn the misdeeds without damaging the child’s self-image. To many parents, this kind of advice fells like just so much talk. They have already discovered that one can’t have a meaningful discussion with a child in the throes of a tantrum.

In many cases, the failure of words alone is the natural result of an uncountable number of threats that have never been followed by a consistent consequence. It’s not surprising that parents often fail to follow up on their threats because they lack even the smallest arsenal of safe and effective consequences. They know that corporal punishment is wrong. But, does that mean that discipline must be completely hands off? Is any physical restraint such as a bear hug of a toddler or preschooler in the throes of a tantrum so close to spanking that it could be interpreted as child abuse? Unfortunately, I suspect that there are a few child behavior experts who might say that it is.

What about putting a child in his room for time-out? If he won’t go willingly and has to be carried, is that corporal punishment? If he won’t stay in his room for even 30 seconds unless the door is held shut or latched, is that same as a penal institution’s use of solitary confinement? Although they have a physical component, these restrictions – if done sensibly – are far safer and more effective than hitting a child.

Of course, prevention should be the keystone of any behavior-management strategy. Does the parent understand the spectrum of age-appropriate behavior for his child? Does he accept that his child’s temperament may force him to modify his expectations? Have family dynamics and schedules created situations in which the child feels underappreciated? Is the parent himself in good physical and mental health?

As pediatricians, we must make it clear that we are prepared to help parents to deal with the challenges inherent in setting limits for their children and assist them in creating a strategies of safe consequences to assure that these limits are effective.

Dr. Wilkoff practiced primary care pediatrics in Brunswick, Maine, for nearly 40 years. He has authored several books on behavioral pediatrics, including “How to Say No to Your Toddler.” E-mail him at [email protected].

In the wake of the allegations that a star NFL running back abused his 4-year-old son by hitting him with a switch, the debate about spanking and other forms of corporal punishment has reignited. It’s not much of a debate. It’s really just a cacophony of “experts” condemning the act. There are a few dissenting voices who find fault with this particular high-profile event, but still hold the opinion that there are certain situations in which spanking may be an acceptable option. My mother taught me to never say never. But, the occasions in which an open-handed spank on a well-padded bottom are so rare that for all practical purposes, striking a child should not appear on any list of discipline strategies.

However, I’m not sure that spanking should automatically be equated with child abuse. It is seldom effective and should raise a red flag that we are dealing with a parent who needs help in managing his or her child’s behavior, but it’s generally not abuse.

In this recent case, the father has talked about the long lineage of corporal punishment that runs through his family. However, I think that most parents in this country instinctively know that hitting their child is not the best option. They may have learned from experience that it is ineffective and has a very narrow safety margin. But, parents aren’t sure what they should have done.

They may have read magazine articles or heard talking heads on television encouraging parents to engage their misbehaving children in a dialogue to explore their motives. Or, how to condemn the misdeeds without damaging the child’s self-image. To many parents, this kind of advice fells like just so much talk. They have already discovered that one can’t have a meaningful discussion with a child in the throes of a tantrum.

In many cases, the failure of words alone is the natural result of an uncountable number of threats that have never been followed by a consistent consequence. It’s not surprising that parents often fail to follow up on their threats because they lack even the smallest arsenal of safe and effective consequences. They know that corporal punishment is wrong. But, does that mean that discipline must be completely hands off? Is any physical restraint such as a bear hug of a toddler or preschooler in the throes of a tantrum so close to spanking that it could be interpreted as child abuse? Unfortunately, I suspect that there are a few child behavior experts who might say that it is.

What about putting a child in his room for time-out? If he won’t go willingly and has to be carried, is that corporal punishment? If he won’t stay in his room for even 30 seconds unless the door is held shut or latched, is that same as a penal institution’s use of solitary confinement? Although they have a physical component, these restrictions – if done sensibly – are far safer and more effective than hitting a child.

Of course, prevention should be the keystone of any behavior-management strategy. Does the parent understand the spectrum of age-appropriate behavior for his child? Does he accept that his child’s temperament may force him to modify his expectations? Have family dynamics and schedules created situations in which the child feels underappreciated? Is the parent himself in good physical and mental health?

As pediatricians, we must make it clear that we are prepared to help parents to deal with the challenges inherent in setting limits for their children and assist them in creating a strategies of safe consequences to assure that these limits are effective.

Dr. Wilkoff practiced primary care pediatrics in Brunswick, Maine, for nearly 40 years. He has authored several books on behavioral pediatrics, including “How to Say No to Your Toddler.” E-mail him at [email protected].