Ouppfostrade

Ouppfostrade ... Is it a) The sound of a pendulum that has swung too far to the left? Or is it b) a Swedish word that means "badly raised children"?

As I learned in a Wall Street Journal article, the correct answer is b ("Badly Raised Kids? Sweden Has a Word for That," Jens Hansegard, Feb. 11, 2014).

In the opinion of Dr. David Eberhard, a Swedish psychiatrist, decades of child-centric policies have "gone too far" and the result is a nation of poorly raised children who may be more vulnerable to anxiety and depression as they grow older.

Dr. Eberhard, who is also the father of six, freely admits that his conclusions are based on "common sense" and observations that are not the result of scientific studies. However, his opinions have touched a sympathetic nerve with more than a few of his fellow countrymen. Although most newspaper editorials have been critical of his ideas, blogs are divided 50/50. Apparently, there are plenty of Swedes who feel that new millennium parents are spineless wimps being pushed around by their children. Dr. Eberhard’s critics counter that Sweden’s reputation for innovation in a broad variety of fields and its enviable happiness rating are in part the result of its policies empowering children.

Does any of this parenting brouhaha strike a familiar chord? Or, is the issue of poorly disciplined children a uniquely Swedish phenomenon? The United States has certainly not enacted as many robust child-centric policies as Sweden and her Scandinavian sisters have. But, while critics have little cause to blame the government, one certainly feels a rumbling of discontent in some circles that America has an overabundance of poorly disciplined children. It is tempting to assume that most of the grumbling is coming from grandparents and their peers in the form of "when-I-was-your-age" rhetoric. But I think there are enough young parents who feel that they have lost (if they ever had) control of the situation that it is an issue worth considering by pediatricians.

As in Sweden, the situation is probably the result of generational drift in which today’s children are being parented by parents whose parents and even grandparents were uncomfortable saying "no." Without solid role models and without a cultural tradition to follow, many modern parents are adrift. Blown in one direction by "experts" with overly child-centric advice and pushed in another by a vocal minority who advocate an authoritarian style, parents can be paralyzed by the fear of doing it all wrong. So they don’t do anything about creating structure and discipline.

Most parents know that spanking is wrong, but they aren’t sure what strategy they should use when their child misbehaves. They may have tried time-out, but for a variety of reasons it didn’t work. Some parents may have trouble overcoming a nagging feeling of guilt that they have to leave their children in day care. Once home, it is hard for a working parent, in fact any parent, to be a friend to the child, and still be the person who makes the rules and metes out the consequences. And, of course, there are a few parents who even question whether there should be any rules for children.

Fortunately, the examples of extreme child-centricity are rare. Most of the time, parents are eager to hear parenting advice from their pediatricians. However, it is up to the pediatrician to make it clear that she or he is interested in the everyday behavior issues, such as saying "no." Pediatricians must be prepared to offer advice that is based on their knowledge of normal child development and not tilted toward either extreme. But, this kind of counseling takes time. To help parents develop a system of limits and consequences that is appropriate for their child’s temperament and developmental age can’t be done in a 10-minute visit. But, first, pediatricians must make it clear that we aren’t just the ear infection folks. We have the skills and experience to deal with ouppfostrade before it becomes epidemic here in America.

Dr. Wilkoff practiced primary care pediatrics in Brunswick, Maine, for nearly 40 years. He has authored several books on behavioral pediatrics including, "How to Say No to Your Toddler." E-mail him at [email protected].

Ouppfostrade ... Is it a) The sound of a pendulum that has swung too far to the left? Or is it b) a Swedish word that means "badly raised children"?

As I learned in a Wall Street Journal article, the correct answer is b ("Badly Raised Kids? Sweden Has a Word for That," Jens Hansegard, Feb. 11, 2014).

In the opinion of Dr. David Eberhard, a Swedish psychiatrist, decades of child-centric policies have "gone too far" and the result is a nation of poorly raised children who may be more vulnerable to anxiety and depression as they grow older.

Dr. Eberhard, who is also the father of six, freely admits that his conclusions are based on "common sense" and observations that are not the result of scientific studies. However, his opinions have touched a sympathetic nerve with more than a few of his fellow countrymen. Although most newspaper editorials have been critical of his ideas, blogs are divided 50/50. Apparently, there are plenty of Swedes who feel that new millennium parents are spineless wimps being pushed around by their children. Dr. Eberhard’s critics counter that Sweden’s reputation for innovation in a broad variety of fields and its enviable happiness rating are in part the result of its policies empowering children.

Does any of this parenting brouhaha strike a familiar chord? Or, is the issue of poorly disciplined children a uniquely Swedish phenomenon? The United States has certainly not enacted as many robust child-centric policies as Sweden and her Scandinavian sisters have. But, while critics have little cause to blame the government, one certainly feels a rumbling of discontent in some circles that America has an overabundance of poorly disciplined children. It is tempting to assume that most of the grumbling is coming from grandparents and their peers in the form of "when-I-was-your-age" rhetoric. But I think there are enough young parents who feel that they have lost (if they ever had) control of the situation that it is an issue worth considering by pediatricians.

As in Sweden, the situation is probably the result of generational drift in which today’s children are being parented by parents whose parents and even grandparents were uncomfortable saying "no." Without solid role models and without a cultural tradition to follow, many modern parents are adrift. Blown in one direction by "experts" with overly child-centric advice and pushed in another by a vocal minority who advocate an authoritarian style, parents can be paralyzed by the fear of doing it all wrong. So they don’t do anything about creating structure and discipline.

Most parents know that spanking is wrong, but they aren’t sure what strategy they should use when their child misbehaves. They may have tried time-out, but for a variety of reasons it didn’t work. Some parents may have trouble overcoming a nagging feeling of guilt that they have to leave their children in day care. Once home, it is hard for a working parent, in fact any parent, to be a friend to the child, and still be the person who makes the rules and metes out the consequences. And, of course, there are a few parents who even question whether there should be any rules for children.

Fortunately, the examples of extreme child-centricity are rare. Most of the time, parents are eager to hear parenting advice from their pediatricians. However, it is up to the pediatrician to make it clear that she or he is interested in the everyday behavior issues, such as saying "no." Pediatricians must be prepared to offer advice that is based on their knowledge of normal child development and not tilted toward either extreme. But, this kind of counseling takes time. To help parents develop a system of limits and consequences that is appropriate for their child’s temperament and developmental age can’t be done in a 10-minute visit. But, first, pediatricians must make it clear that we aren’t just the ear infection folks. We have the skills and experience to deal with ouppfostrade before it becomes epidemic here in America.

Dr. Wilkoff practiced primary care pediatrics in Brunswick, Maine, for nearly 40 years. He has authored several books on behavioral pediatrics including, "How to Say No to Your Toddler." E-mail him at [email protected].

Ouppfostrade ... Is it a) The sound of a pendulum that has swung too far to the left? Or is it b) a Swedish word that means "badly raised children"?

As I learned in a Wall Street Journal article, the correct answer is b ("Badly Raised Kids? Sweden Has a Word for That," Jens Hansegard, Feb. 11, 2014).

In the opinion of Dr. David Eberhard, a Swedish psychiatrist, decades of child-centric policies have "gone too far" and the result is a nation of poorly raised children who may be more vulnerable to anxiety and depression as they grow older.

Dr. Eberhard, who is also the father of six, freely admits that his conclusions are based on "common sense" and observations that are not the result of scientific studies. However, his opinions have touched a sympathetic nerve with more than a few of his fellow countrymen. Although most newspaper editorials have been critical of his ideas, blogs are divided 50/50. Apparently, there are plenty of Swedes who feel that new millennium parents are spineless wimps being pushed around by their children. Dr. Eberhard’s critics counter that Sweden’s reputation for innovation in a broad variety of fields and its enviable happiness rating are in part the result of its policies empowering children.

Does any of this parenting brouhaha strike a familiar chord? Or, is the issue of poorly disciplined children a uniquely Swedish phenomenon? The United States has certainly not enacted as many robust child-centric policies as Sweden and her Scandinavian sisters have. But, while critics have little cause to blame the government, one certainly feels a rumbling of discontent in some circles that America has an overabundance of poorly disciplined children. It is tempting to assume that most of the grumbling is coming from grandparents and their peers in the form of "when-I-was-your-age" rhetoric. But I think there are enough young parents who feel that they have lost (if they ever had) control of the situation that it is an issue worth considering by pediatricians.

As in Sweden, the situation is probably the result of generational drift in which today’s children are being parented by parents whose parents and even grandparents were uncomfortable saying "no." Without solid role models and without a cultural tradition to follow, many modern parents are adrift. Blown in one direction by "experts" with overly child-centric advice and pushed in another by a vocal minority who advocate an authoritarian style, parents can be paralyzed by the fear of doing it all wrong. So they don’t do anything about creating structure and discipline.

Most parents know that spanking is wrong, but they aren’t sure what strategy they should use when their child misbehaves. They may have tried time-out, but for a variety of reasons it didn’t work. Some parents may have trouble overcoming a nagging feeling of guilt that they have to leave their children in day care. Once home, it is hard for a working parent, in fact any parent, to be a friend to the child, and still be the person who makes the rules and metes out the consequences. And, of course, there are a few parents who even question whether there should be any rules for children.

Fortunately, the examples of extreme child-centricity are rare. Most of the time, parents are eager to hear parenting advice from their pediatricians. However, it is up to the pediatrician to make it clear that she or he is interested in the everyday behavior issues, such as saying "no." Pediatricians must be prepared to offer advice that is based on their knowledge of normal child development and not tilted toward either extreme. But, this kind of counseling takes time. To help parents develop a system of limits and consequences that is appropriate for their child’s temperament and developmental age can’t be done in a 10-minute visit. But, first, pediatricians must make it clear that we aren’t just the ear infection folks. We have the skills and experience to deal with ouppfostrade before it becomes epidemic here in America.

Dr. Wilkoff practiced primary care pediatrics in Brunswick, Maine, for nearly 40 years. He has authored several books on behavioral pediatrics including, "How to Say No to Your Toddler." E-mail him at [email protected].